Mother in law: How the pandemic changed us

I know Covid isn’t gone - we have just had a second round in our house - but after two and a bit years I have been reflecting on how the pandemic has changed us and how we still don’t know the extent of those changes.

My clients, who were so intense during lockdown, are back to being distracted from their cases by other things in their lives, thank goodness. Instead of phoning me every day to check I’ve received their email because four minutes have passed and they haven’t had a response, they are going out for lunch or playing golf or looking after their grandchildren. They are still demanding, but not as they were.

But I am already seeing how the pandemic has affected relationships resulting in legal disputes: from the old lady whose children 'suddenly stopped visiting her' so she cut them out of her will, to (in another department) the NHS workers who divorced acrimoniously, their lives overnight turning so grim that they were unable to find it in themselves to emotionally prop each other up anymore. I have numerous other cases where the pandemic has just made a subtle difference: one sibling feeling like the other sibling took control of their parent during lockdown, creating resentment, for example.

It has happened to me personally too: tension between me and my husband as we took different views on how safe a park or pub garden was, outrage from both of us as my brother ignored most rules and pretended to be a key worker to get his kids into school, and as our friend refused to get vaccinated. That is not to mention how us both working and homeschooling, with no support from anyone apart from Nintendo, was truly the worst time of my life. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I suppose.

On the upside, there is a lasting sense of gratitude. My kids, as beastly as they are, are still grateful and excited for holidays, days out, time with their friends - and time without each other. We are yet to see whether the experience has bonded them long-term or not. Maybe we could throw war, political instability and unaffordable electricity at them this winter to test them a bit further.

Maybe this would have happened anyway but I’ve noticed how videos (taken on smartphones) are playing a greater part in my job: from remotely witnessed wills, recorded by clients, providing cast-iron evidence of whether a will was executed correctly or not, to video recordings of elderly testators providing the court with a real three-dimensional insight into their mental capacity. I’ve really had my fill of video calls/conferences with counsel/court hearings. I wouldn’t have known it before Zoom, but I have spent almost two decades honing my body language, my use of eye contact (including my death stare) and - the first thing my training principal taught me - to stand up when I want the meeting to finish. None of this really works on a call. I’ve got a particular client who I have dealt with very closely for 18 months but only recently met in person and I have made so much more progress with him in our in-person meetings than I did in numerous calls beforehand.

The recruitment market - which looked so bleak in March 2020 - has gone berserk. I really hope some people got made redundant only to be ready as free agents with no notice periods to jump at better offers when they came. But what I have noticed most is this. In the past, when I have considered job offers, I’ve placed 95% of my focus on salary and 5% on holiday and other benefits. Now, I am seeing people place far more importance on not just holiday but flexi–working, nice colleagues, air conditioning and whether they get to finish at lunchtime on Christmas Eve so they can go home to their dog. People want to be comfortable and looked after at work, and to have time to sit in their new hot tub too.

I find the speed with which we all keep changing our behaviours fascinating too, and our attitude to germs. I couldn’t imagine everyone wearing masks, then I couldn’t imagine everyone stopping wearing masks, and each time I was wrong. I don’t know about herd immunity but we do seem to have a herd mentality.

For my part, I have been thinking about how Martin Kemp, in Eastenders, left his wife 'enough money to get her roots done' and wondering if I can convince one of my clients to do the same for me. I certainly didn’t need that before Covid. I have moved on from the firm I thought I would retire at, and I can confirm that air conditioning is, indeed, very good.

I will let you know about Christmas Eve but I have bought the Enormous Puppy an elf costume in hope.

*Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article