Mother in law: A guide to resigning

Deceptively Angelic Child 2’s favourite game is 'Would You Rather'. I can entertain her for hours asking 'Would you rather have no elbows or no knees?' or 'Would you rather have toes as long as your legs or legs as long as your toes?' or 'Would you rather go into school once naked or every day in just your pants and vest?' That sort of thing. Well, recently, a man said to me 'Would you rather carry on working where you are, or come and work for me?'

Reader, I wasn’t looking to move. I’ve been in survival mode for two years now, lurching from homeschooling, to IT problems, to covering for the furloughed, to redundancy consultations, to homeschooling (again), to self-isolation, to the PCR merry-go-round, to the peril of daily lateral flows with a dash of bereavement and half a cup of illness thrown in for good measure. I was really looking for things to stay the same for more than five minutes. It might have given me time to learn how to stop mixing my metaphors.

A few years ago someone told me that the employment market was different these days - young people tend to do what’s best for them now, not on the promise of long term gain. Loyalty is less likely to be received from employees. My proprietary estoppel claims could really become a thing of the past but that’s an aside. This situation seems to have intensified recently, with far more vacancies than talented staff around. Like everyone else, I had to do what was best for me. I weighed up everything - the money, the commute, the flexibility, the annual leave, the colleagues, the quality of work and the prospects. On balance, it was right to go.

Hopefully it is something you (and I) won’t have to do many times in a career, so here is my little guide to resigning.

1. IT has moved on since I last did this and so I wasn’t sure if I should email or actually write a letter. I decided to write a letter, but in hindsight I think an email would have been better. I could have copied in HR and anyone else I wanted to know straight away. As it was, I felt in limbo for a while afterwards because I didn’t know if those people knew.
   
   
2. Whilst it has to be in writing, I think it is really important to do it in person first. I know it is really hard. If you live quite a nice little life like me, it is probably one of the hardest things you ever have to do. You feel guilty and wretched and sweaty and may have some bowel issues. Remember it is business, not personal. Remember that they could have kept you if they had offered you as much as the new place, but they didn’t. Saying that, I decided to give a reason for leaving that they couldn’t match, so that there would be no trying to persuade me to stay. I had thought long and hard about my decision and didn’t want it to be dragged out or for my mind to become confused again.
   
   
3. Navigating your way through your notice period is hard - again, probably because we don’t do it that often so we forget what it is like. Try to get some clarity on when you can tell your colleagues and when you can tell your clients. For my part, I thought it was important to show that I wasn’t speaking badly of the firm to anyone, to get my head down and work hard, and to leave things in ship-shape order.
   
   
4. It is hard to predict people’s reactions. One of the pains in the arse I work with, after I told her, immediately asked me if I wanted a 'cup of tea or any other hot drink'. It was the first time she had asked me if I wanted a cup of tea in over half a decade and now she was not only offering me a cup of tea but alternatively any other hot drink I wanted. I have thought a lot about this, and I think it is the case that I was immediately no longer an (imaginary) threat to her on the old career ladder. I would like to say we are now BFFs, but I will never forget the day she stole my light bulb.
   
   On the other hand, some of the equity partners seem to be ignoring me. This makes me really sad, and a little bit angry actually. My reaction seems to have been to do lots of angry billing. You may have done angry cleaning at home after a row and this is similar, but instead of hoovering aggressively under your family’s feet you put through lots of big bills. That’ll show those equity partners. You can’t do much about others’ reactions, only to keep reminding them, through your actions, that you are still the same person you were before, doing the best for you and your family.
   
   
5. Don’t forget it is a small world. The office door is metaphorically revolving. Even if people aren’t big enough to wish you well, treat them as well as you always have. You don’t know what the future holds - don’t burn any bridges.
   
   

*Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article