Mother in Law: 100 wellbeing tips

Well, it seems I’ve written 100 of these blogs. I hope they continue to be of use, entertainment or at least a five minute distraction from work on a Friday. I’m proud of them.

I hope the main thing I have managed to get across is the importance of wellbeing. It is the only important thing really, isn’t it? Who wants to be overworked and miserable? Or overworked and sick? Or overworked and not connecting with the people you live with? For my 100th blog, here are 100 wellbeing tips.

Sleep

Sleep is the most important thing. You can’t address other issues in your life until you are getting sleep. This goes for adults and children.

1. If you have children, prioritise finding ways to get them to sleep. I know it is controversial now, but the Jo Frost techniques worked wonders for us. We felt like idiots for not trying them earlier.
2. Until your kids sleep well, find ways for you to get sleep. Can you pay someone to look after your child so you can nap? Can you take it in turns with your partner to go to bed super early? Can you swallow your pride and your worries and just ship them off to grandparents for a night or two? Ask for the help that you need.
3. Make your environment conducive to sleep. Book, bath and bed - for you I mean.
4. Don’t underestimate the power of routine. Putting the same hand cream on before bed will after a few days make your brain associate the smell with sleep.
5. Scrolling is not the same as resting. Scrolling is not for the bedroom full stop. Put your phone down and actually sleep.
6. Don’t try to reason with someone (young or old) who is tired.

Nourishment

7. Drink double the water you think you need.
8. Feed your gut with prebiotics - kefir, kimchi etc.
9. Stimulate your vagus nerve.
10. Track what food makes you feel good and what doesn’t. If it has you rushing to the loo, it is not doing your body any good and this will show on your skin, in your energy levels and your overall wellbeing.
11. Get your vitamin levels tested, and actually look at the results yourself. The NHS may say they are adequate but are they optimal?

But… a little bit of what you fancy does you good. This is what my gran used to say and it is entirely at odds with most of the thoughts that go through my head which are very 'all or nothing'. You don’t actually have to stick to the rules all the time:

12. Enjoy a nice cup of coffee in the morning if that is what you want. Just don’t have 10.
13. As above with wine (not in the morning though).
14. As above with takeaways.
15. As above with telly. Especially for kids. If they want to come home from school and collapse in front of the TV instead of practising their violin, let them bloody do it. They’ve been told what to do all day long.
16. My gran would go further than this and say if you fancied something it probably means your body needs it. She also said that her cakes were nutritious because they had eggs in though so, you know, accept the advice with caution.

Guilt

This is a long section. And it is easier to type it than believe it.

These are things it is not worth feeling guilty about as a parent. Some I can see clearly now I don’t have actual babies, some I still struggle with.

Do not feel guilty about:

17. Them being aware of your moods. You are not a robot or a saint. How will they be able to deal with their own moods if they never see your mood vary?
18. (This is particularly true if them being little sh*ts is what has caused you to be in a bad mood. I mean, you need to get over it quickly but a human reaction is OK and probably healthy for everyone.)
19. Feeding your child whatever works for you, and them, in the real-world constraints you face. I don’t remember my mum feeling bad when she fed us fish fingers. No one doubts how much you want your children to eat well. For lots of reasons, they often don’t. Just throw a blueberry at them now and again and hope for the best.
20. Them misbehaving. They are kids, not mini-adults.

Likewise, I never remember my parents feeling guilty for any of the following, and neither should you:

21. Working.
22. Working more so we had more money.
23. Not sitting with us, spoonfeeding us our homework.
24. Not engaging regularly in a range of junk modelling/Autumn walks/gardening/baking activities like that awful woman on Twitter says I should be doing.
25. Not ironing their clothes, them refusing to wear certain clothes, them not looking smart generally. Hand a hairbrush to anyone who comments on the state of their hair and see how easy they find it.
26. Not spending money on swimming lessons for your baby when a bath will literally do just fine.
27. Not doing big birthday parties if the thought fills you with dread.
28. Not making their birthday cakes if the thought fills you with dread.
29. Not doing anything that fills you with dread.

These are things you shouldn’t feel guilty about at work:

30. Leaving on time.
31. Undertaking tasks not perfectly but in the time you reasonably have available to do them, on a commercial basis.
32. Making mistakes, possibly because you are required to do the above, but also because you are human.
33. Saying no to new clients if you don’t have the time to service them properly.
34. Strict diary management.
35. Getting fresh air at lunchtime.
36. Chatting.
37. Charging fairly for the time you have spent. Don’t undervalue your expertise.
38. Not managing to time record every minute of the day. See my tips on time recording.
39. Not knowing everything.
40. Having time off when you are sick. I think we have entered a massive post-pandemic grey area with this. If you are sick, you don’t work. Your body needs rest, not to be propped up in bed with your laptop.
41. Not checking your emails at evenings and weekends. You are not so important in your clients lives that they need you urgently at all hours. The only professional I believe it is acceptable to bother outside of office hours is a doctor in a medical emergency, and even then only one who is actually working that shift.

42. Don’t feel bad about taking me-time. Revel in it.
43. Equally, don’t feel bad that people say your family will only be happy if you take me-time and you haven’t had the chance to take any me-time so your family will be unhappy and it will all be your fault for not going on a spa day. This thought process is madness.
44. Life is tiring. If you can’t be bothered with the Liz Earle hot cloth cleanse/tone/moisturise every night, doing it now and again is better than nothing. The key is to give yourself a pat on the back when you manage it, rather than beating yourself up when you don’t.
45. As above re flossing. This stuff is not all or nothing.

Quick fixes

The following are not quick fixes, as your soul will feel empty again within half an hour:

46. Tinder.
47. Instagram.
48. Facebook.

(Do you think if people were genuinely having a good time they would pause long enough to tell everyone? No, they would be too busy enjoying themselves.)

49. Drinking caffeine to excess.
50. Drinking alcohol to excess.
51. Same with sugar.

The following are quick fixes:

52. A hot bath.
53. A hot flannel over your eyes.
54. A heated blanket.
55. Undoing a high ponytail.
56. Taking off your heels, or even better...
57. ...Wearing things that are comfortable in the first place.

Dancing to any of the following with your family

58. Eye of the Tiger.
59. Uptown Funk.
60. Shake it Off.
61. I’ve Had the Time of My Life, as long as you agree ahead of time who is catching who.
62. Fame.

63. Indulge your senses; lower your heart rate:
64. Eat a wholesome meal from the slow cooker, or
65. Eat a microwave meal that leaves no washing up, or
66. Eat a meal out.
67. Generally just eat, as long as you take time to enjoy it.
68. Get blue light in first thing (from the sky, not a screen).
69. Limit blue light last thing.
70. I know some people think only psychopaths use the Big Light, but I like lots of lights and no gloomy corners in a room. Either way, remember how good the right lighting feels. Light some candles.
71. Tidy a room and sit in it. Forget about the rest of the house.
72. Sort something out, like the airing cupboard or a sock drawer.

Friends and relations

73. See your friends. I don’t mean Whatsapp them, I mean see them.
74. See all the people who make you feel good about yourself, as often as you can.
75. Work out what to do about the ones who don’t make you feel good about yourself. Manage them to suit you.
76. Get things off your chest, even if it is only into a journal.
77. Regularly have some time with your partner when you are not both exhausted. It sounds like a luxury but it is a necessity.
78. Communicate in a straightforward way - say what you mean.
79. And ask for what you need. Don’t expect people to know.

Meaning

80. Think about what gives your life meaning.
81. Do more of it.

There is life outside of work…

82. Walk.
83. Stretch.
84. Read.
85. Get a dog.
86. Find pockets of time to have on your own.
87. Find pockets of time to spend in silence.
88. Listen to a podcast that actually makes you laugh out loud.
89. Don’t underestimate the importance of holidays.

And at work-

90. Ask for help when you need it.
91. Seek learning and personal development opportunities.
92. Be firm and brave in dealing with toxic people. 
93. Remember you are dealing with people at a difficult time in their lives and if they take their stress out on you, try not to take it personally.
94. Leave if you aren’t happy. It isn’t worth it.

95. In a world where we are all talking the talk about mental health, make sure you are personally accessing the services you need.
96. From my experience, the NHS mental health services don’t cut it so you might need to pay.
97. Mental health is part and parcel of your overall health, so paying for it is not a luxury that you should feel guilty about. Paying for a course of therapy could save your marriage, could bring down your stress levels or help you cut out coping mechanisms so you don’t become physically unwell, and could set you on a path to a more fulfilling life. Prioritise it as a crucial household expense.
98. Just because you have all the information in the world in your pocket, it doesn’t mean you have to access it all the time. Leave it in your pocket.
99. Until there is a smart watch that knows when you need a rest for your mental health, use with caution. I’m pretty sure I got obsessed with my steps when I had one. I lost weight but wore out the carpet on the stairs.
100. But, you can use your phone in a positive way. Use Headspace, and Off Time, and Bearable.

I hope these help. I’m signing off now for 2022. Here’s to being well in 2023. Remember - it is the only important thing.

 

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article