London litigators are a prosperous breed. They could probably afford to book Peter Kaye to speak at their annual dinner. Or even Eddie Murphy.

No need, in fact. For the lady chief justice was on hand to supply the postprandial chuckles at this year’s black-tie nosebag at the Law Society.

There are consolations to glad-handing folk at courts across England and Wales, Baroness Carr of Walton-on-the-Hill told revellers. One is learning of the excruciating malapropisms that crop up during legal proceedings.

Her favourites? The woman who spoke of her husband’s ‘erotic driving’. Another who lamented her mother’s ‘double inconvenience’. And a third who spoke of her desire to ‘build a Conservative on to the back of my house’.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, perhaps, in a suitably recumbent position? Alas, she did not elaborate.

Rees Mogg conservatory

Mogg standard: building blooper

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