Not since Rebekah Vardy v Coleen Rooney has Obiter seen the mainstream media get so excited about a High Court battle than it did this week with Lauryn Goodman v Kyle Walker.

For the few wot don’t know, Walker (pictured above) is a Premier League footballer who plays for England. Goodman is a self-described ‘influencer’ and TV personality, who got pregnant twice by the married father-of-four. On Tuesday, His Honour Judge Edward Hess published an unanonymised and unredacted judgment detailing their battle over financial remedies.

The tabloids are never wanting for prurient detail, and it has to be said the judge gave them plenty to go on.

On Goodman’s £31,200 demand to install artificial grass in the back garden of her home, he said: ‘The mother surprisingly justified her demand for AstroTurf by saying that [their daughter], by kicking a ball with her left foot from a crawling position, has shown a talent which may suggest a future career as a professional footballer qualified to become a “Lioness”. I fear that is an unjustified evidential leap.’

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