Law Society’s Gazette, August 1951

Round about the legal world, by the Lay Gazetteer

Plates of Meat

Yes – you have guessed it. I am a Cockney and the above allusion is to feet. I am excused for the reference because not long ago I commiserated with a judge who on circuit could not find a bed in which, without discomfort, he could adequately cover the judicial toes, so tall is he.

And now I read of the activities of the Association of Tall Women (subscription 3s. 6d.) which – believe it or not – first came into being as the London branch of the Association of Women with Large Feet. But I suppose this title was found as cumbersome as large feet must themselves be to the ladies unfortunate enough to have grown them.

The trouble seems to be not only with the feet, but also with the length of nylons and (if I may mention it) the size of lingerie. One victim of her height bought the longest nylons made – size eleven – and had to sew on two inches to the toes of the stockings and four inches at the top.

Quite obviously we need a Law for Long Ladies, but meanwhile these gigantic Jessicas and elongated Elsies have banded themselves together to persuade manufacturers of feminine wear to do something about it all. It is an interesting commentary on the lengths to which women (especially the long ones) will go. Their determination arouses my admiration; but what would they say if a Society of Fat Men were inaugurated to make an onslaught on tailors and shirt makers?

I wonder who is the heaviest solicitor in the land, but I may never know, for I am almost certain that he would not care to own up to the truth so callously told by his scales.

Law Society’s Gazette, August 1961

Law in Samoa – Samoan Medley, by CC Marsack

The author deals rather amusingly with the difficulties that arise when a witnesses’ (sic) allegiance to his aiga (a very widespread family circle) comes into conflict with his obligation to tell the truth. A typical reaction is that of the Samoan doctor when asked to examine a drunk: ‘That man belongs to my aiga. In fact he is the husband of my sister. If I examine him and certify that he is drunk, I will be severely criticised by my own family and life will be made very unpleasant for me.

'If I certify him sober, everyone will say that I have done that merely to favour a member of my aiga. So please get another doctor to carry out the examination!’

The author also illustrates the difficulties that arise when advocates have to deal with witnesses whose training is to be polite and give the answer they think the honourable questioner requires. An added complication is that Samoans have no idea of how to measure time or dates or distances.

Not all difficulties lie on the side of the professional advocates however. One cannot but feel sympathy with the islander who came thus to terms with the tortuous legal mind: ‘Do you know if Paulo is related to defendant?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you mean Paulo is related to him?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then Paulo is not related to him?’ ‘Yes.’‘Is Paulo related to defendant?’ ‘No.’