The voices of senior women in law are important

When I came to England I had to work hard to catch up as I was 'behind' in many core topics, having spent my early years in Hong Kong and Nigeria. A dedication to study that continued, causing my school and university friends to refer to me (perhaps affectionately) as the SWOT. A dedication to study that was all with the clear goal of becoming a barrister.

However, I never actually expected to be a practising barrister beyond the age of about 30. Getting married and having children were also on my bucket list and I simply did not conceive that I could do both. I personally knew no women who had combined a very demanding job with having a happy family and simply accepted that it was not possible. (I side-stepped the then acceptable question as to my long-term intentions in various interviews).

That only changed, and I began to dream of doing both, when aged 28 I met and then became good friends with a female barrister with 3 children who was practising proof that I had been selling myself short. Instead of preparing to quit, I drafted chambers’ first maternity policy. (In hindsight, my revolutionary request for three months rent free could have been a bit more ambitious!)

To have role models remains crucial, as proven by nearly 300 sign ups to the first Women in Chambers event hosted by Quadrant last month and at which 10 of our female members of chambers answered questions from an audience that was mostly female but included also some men concerned about juggling the job with young children.

My advice to women and primary care-givers is yes, you can have it all. But there will be some compromises and there will be challenging times. And along the way, you will have many moments of self-doubt and probably tears, wondering whether you are as good at your job as a male that doesn’t have to juggle as much. That’s fine. Its normal to have what I call wobble moments and imposter syndrome.

But communication and honesty are key. Explain to your team and employers any restrictions on your time, be frank about what you need and when you can and cannot be flexible. A request from a judge for me to start day three of the trial early was met with a refusal since I was on early school run duty that day. But I could re-arrange with some advance warning, so early starts on days six and seven I agreed to.

What, though, of 'tokenism'? For example, law firms and businesses encouraging women simply so that their diversity stats look good? I spent years worrying that I had been appointed a QC because I was a woman of colour rather than because I was good enough.

The time has come to stop worrying. Women are bright and talented and deserve the jobs and promotions that they get. And we often bring a different perspective to the table that is finally being acknowledged and celebrated.

However, attrition rates remain a problem and we need to encourage our businesses to provide us with mentors and role-models and support through each stage of our developing careers. My husband knew I would be delighted when he told me several years ago that his law firm had introduced a programme of support for women aiming for partnership. And if you are a successful woman, make time to talk to other women following behind. I love Aretha’s anthem that 'Sisters are doing it for themselves' but doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it alone.

Poonam Melwani QC is head of Quadrant Chambers