Mother in law: The writing process continues

A while ago I wrote a column about my writing. In particular, how I have secretly written the first draft of a novel. I want to tell you a bit more about the process, partly because I have no one to talk to about it and partly because it is a challenge for me, probably like most of us, to be honest about the possibility of failure. I would be much more comfortable not telling you I had written a book until I was able to get it published. At that point I could say 'well, it was really tough but I am actually wildly successful now'. At the moment I can only say 'I’m finding it hard to get an agent'. I might never get one, and then I will have to tell you I’ve failed. Totes mortifying.

The truth is I haven’t done much towards getting published. The reasons are as follows:

1. I am also a solicitor, have two small demonic children and an enormous puppy, a continuous bombsite of a house, a perpetually filthy car and a dishwasher that needs emptying. We have had some small bits of building work done that now require painting and we have all had Covid. In other words, life.
   
   
2. Every agent has different submission requirements. Some want the first three chapters plus a one page synopsis and a cover letter. Some want the first ten thousand words, a two page synopsis and an 'elevator pitch' (eye roll). Some want the whole manuscript. Because these agents get eleventy billion submissions a day, you know that if you don’t follow their guidelines you will be thrown straight out so it is really important to do it carefully. This takes time.
   
   
3. My confidence is really fragile when it comes to creative writing. I know I do a really good playdate. I make a decent cupcake and do a punchy letter before action. I can drink red wine really quickly. I give my French plaits 7/10. With my writing I have no idea. If a member of the small circle of people who know I write compliments me I blush for the rest of the day whilst simultaneously doubting their good judgement. As such, a rejection (or, more commonly, silence) from an agent has the effect of causing a forcefield to develop around the manuscript so I can’t even look at it again in case on the thousandth reading I realise it truly is awful and am embarrassed that I even tried to waste their time.

This has gone on for a few months now. Until this morning when I decided to listen to Desert Island Discs whilst I walked the dog. I will pretty much listen to anyone as I find most people on there pretty inspiring but this time it was Jack Thorne. If you don’t know, he is a screenwriter and playwright and has written all sorts of things including the screenplay for His Dark Materials and Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, as well as gritty stuff like This is England. He co-wrote the screenplay for Wonder which starred Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson and a gazillion other things. I didn’t know that Jack had to drop out of university for a while because he had a condition that gradually made him more and more allergic to heat and, eventually, movement. He recalled lying still for months with the windows wide open and being told he would never get better. He did, but over the course of 12 years. Before he had any success writing, he worked for five years as a support worker in a school. Now, he writes screenplays for Philip Pullman and Julia Roberts.

So I’ve come home from that walk and opened my laptop. I’ve written a list of the agents I’ve submitted to and it turns out I’ve only approached six. If Jack Thorne can go from being allergic to moving to putting words in the mouths of Harry and Lyra, I can surely try to make a few more agents notice me? If I didn’t, what kind of role model would I be to the demonic ones? And as Deceptively Angelic Child 1 and 2 already know, success is 1% inspiration and 99% whining at people until they give in. Watch this space.

*Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article