Mother in Law: Stress (again)

I raced into town at lunchtime the other day to get some fancy hand cream as a birthday present. Despite having four to-do lists on my desk, three clients moaning, two naughty children (and a partridge in a pear tree) I knew it was my only chance to go. Having been freezing cold for six to eight months straight now, it was of course one of those hot days last week and by the time I got to the shop I was sweating profusely. I’m not going to name the shop but you will have heard of it. It was air conditioned (thank goodness) and had a grand total of about 10 different products for sale. 

The assistant was looking in a mirror when I arrived. This didn’t surprise me; the staff at the beauty counters in our local department store are always doing their own makeup, and I genuinely just feel pleased for them and their life choices. But as she turned to me I saw that she had a big dark red section in the white of her eye. She helped me choose the hand cream and as I was paying said she felt she had to apologise for the state of her eye. She had burst a blood vessel. 'How did you manage that?' I asked. 'The doctor said it was probably stress and high blood pressure,' she replied. 

You probably think the rest of this blog is going to be about how I am more stressed than her. Actually, it is not. I think I’ve said before that Matt Haig talks about happiness on a scale - say it is from one to 10. If you are sitting on a beach with your dog and a glass of wine in your hand on a sunny day, you might be a 10 and no amount of money, fame or achievement can beat that. Bill Gates isn’t happier than you in that moment because he has lots of money or success - he might have slept awkwardly and have a sore shoulder, or he might not have enjoyed the book he just read and wishes he hadn’t wasted his time. Feelings are universal. I think the same goes for stress. We all have the same range of stressful feelings. I know exactly how those feelings manifest in me: I get very tired, food goes straight through me, and I sleep badly.  

For me these days (and quite possibly the hand cream lady), what goes on outside of work is more stressful than work itself. I’ve seen more difficult clients than most trainee solicitors have had hot dinners. Difficult children, on the other hand, are constantly getting on my last nerve and worrying the life out of me. They definitely have a pact where they take it in turns to stop liking perfectly normal things like sandwiches midway through the week. My house is full of shoes with no pair. We’ve run out of dog food. When I try to get the bikes out of the shed various tools and items of rubbish my husband has saved 'just in case' fall on my head. Today someone left the glitter in child’s reach and now it is all over the floor. I’m surprised there is any white left in my eyes. 

Everyone has this stuff going on - passive aggressive in laws, elderly relatives that need caring for, roadworks outside their house, divorce, their food shop doubling in price and so on. No one can avoid stress entirely.  

The point is to change the way your body reacts to it - you do at least have some control over that. I’m not saying it is easy, or that everyone’s mental and physical health can cope with a stressful job. I know a lawyer who would have saved himself various breakdowns if he had taken early retirement after the first one. But, more generally, can I suggest that we should learn to bat away the feelings of stress (with inter alia exercise, talking, deep breathing and the occasional glass of wine) rather than let our eyeballs explode?  

*Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article