Mother in Law: Samantha Lowe, mediator extraordinaire

This week I was lucky enough to convince Samantha Lowe, mediator extraordinaire, to answer my questions. Inevitably, we had too much to say so this is the potted version. And I know I wouldn’t have asked some of these questions of a man, but that is sort of the point of my column.

MIL: The way you have gone from being a full-time solicitor to a full-time self-employed mediator is very impressive. How did you feel, leaving the financial security behind?

SL: Thank you, that’s very kind. Leaving behind financial security was a very difficult decision, but I had also come to a point where burnout had come knocking and I needed to recover. At that time, if I didn’t throw myself into this new chapter, then I never would.

MIL: You are now regularly recommended when a shortlist of mediators is put forward. But it couldn’t have started like that. How did you get your foot in the door?

SL: There is no magic answer. My litigation style as a solicitor meant I did not make enemies in practice. I was always as collaborative as possible. I then started my marketing strategy by contacting those who for many years I had worked with and against. I used LinkedIn and I poured blood, sweat and tears into showing people that I could mediate. My advice is to keep at it and be yourself. After my first mediation, the feedback was ‘the best mediator I have ever used’. Neither firm at that mediation knew it was my first mediation. I was ecstatic.

MIL: You seem to have done most of your marketing on social media. I’m very cautious about social media generally, and particularly that feeling of being cringey on LinkedIn. What are your top tips?

SL: Be yourself, try not to overthink and filter it too much, and use common sense. Try not to get obsessed with likes and comments. The aim is not to get viral posts but to engage those who will bring work. Equally, take time out. The noise can become too much and I can feel like I have nothing to say. A break from it makes me feel refreshed.

MIL: You have a self-employed husband, a little girl and significant additional caring responsibilities. You also seem to live in the middle of nowhere. Can you tell us some ways in which you manage to make this work and have time to sleep?

SL: I am not the authority on any of this. I do not have my ducks in a row, most of the time. The reality is that some parts of life have to give way for other parts. I try to surround myself with positivity. It is important when I deal with conflict almost every day. Growing up as a young carer means that responsibility and juggling life, and its adversity, from an early age became second nature.

I take time to do nothing when I can. I get out into nature. If I can spend time by the sea, even for half an hour, in silence, I can get a good reset.

On entering my forties I have realised that I can say ‘thank you but no’. I cannot agree to go to all the networking events – I can’t stay awake late enough these days! I take quality time with my family and am grateful for the chaos of life and what it gives me. I also have an amazing therapist and coach!

PS. From one side of the house, I have views for days but on the other side, we have a high street a couple of streets away and it is a wonderful community.

MIL: My opponents seem to be getting more macho and aggressive. Is this your experience of litigators lately?

SL: Yes. I read bundles of correspondence but then see different approaches at mediation when conversing (on screen or in person). I really encourage litigators to pick up the phone to each other and not have all communication in correspondence. I also encourage litigators to manage clients and help them understand that their need for an aggressive approach isn’t necessarily going to get them to what they ultimately want to achieve.

MIL: How do you get a mediation to finish on time?

SL: It seems to have become my USP. I prepare thoroughly to help parties try and simplify the conversations to be had. I manage expectations, I build rapport and I give my views on why taking a certain step in a mediation will end up in a late night. I guide on what will help avoid that (from experience) and I keep everyone on track as much as possible. If parties work with me and not against me as well as their opponents, then we can get things done and on time. Even when it’s multiple parties and complex estates.

I am also a big believer that disputes requiring significant drafting considerations should be done over a couple of eight-hour days instead of 16 hours all at once.

MIL: Do you miss having work colleagues?

SL: I do. I had some wonderful colleagues who got me through the hardest parts of my career. Being a mediator is lonely. You have to take on a lot of emotion and different characters in the legal world, some can be aggressive and some can have little respect for the role or even for my gender. To not have colleagues to download on after a mediation can be tough.

Thankfully, 99% of the lawyers I work with are fantastic and give light relief to the day by engaging with me on a human level.

MIL: Where do you get most of your work clothes?

SL: Great question! I love clothes! It’s a real mix really, I collect bits from my travels and keep things for years and years. I love Massimo Dutti, Sezane, classic Zara and especially M&S recently!

MIL: Do you think you have worked with me?

SL: I swing between thinking that I have to having no idea.

MIL: How is your dog?

SL: Little Olive is doing wonderfully. She is 16 this year and has been through everything with me, from buying my first house and the two of us cuddling under blankets as it was so old and had no central heating, to getting married, having Rosie and moving several times to end up where we are now. I love taking the time to just sit with her and remind her that it is still me and her against the world.

 

Samantha Lowe, a solicitor with over 18 years’ experience in mediation and ADR, set up specialist firm Concentus in 2016. She is ranked as a leading mediator in Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners UK and High Net Worth guides