Mother in Law: Procrastination part 1

Well, I’ve just dragged myself off X (formerly Twitter) to start writing, about 20 minutes after I shut the door and told my family I was going to be busy writing. The problem is, of course, there are so many good memes at the moment - mostly about the male Lionesses and Rishi Sunak’s wife looking like a ghost - it is hard to look away. Unrelatedly, of course, today I want to write about procrastination.

Having done some research, there is so much information out there that this article is going to be split into two parts. I think the researchers and writers on the subject probably kept writing because they were supposed to be cutting their lawns or putting the bins out or something.

Procrastination is, of course, the act of voluntarily putting something off, knowing there will be negative consequences in doing so. I suppose it makes sense that people have studied this subject to death when the central question is, essentially, why do we choose to act in a way that is not in our own best interests?

At university, procrastination was rife. My housemate, a straight-A student at A level and still today one of the most sensible people I know, laid in bed all day in turmoil, putting off revision, and then the thought of it became so hard to stomach that she went and got drunk the night before an exam and had to resit it. She could have just got up and done some revision. She managed to get her act together as our years at university went on, but even during our finals we would sit together tweezing hairs out of our legs individually instead of revising. There was something about causing ourselves pain that made it OK - it wasn’t like we were enjoying ourselves, after all.

I don’t have time for such extravagant luxuries these days, of course, and I am trying to think when it was that procrastination was (almost) obliterated from my life. I think it was the birth of Deceptively Angelic Child 2. Life started moving so fast. Living on my own, not washing up after dinner would mean a plate in the sink. With four people, it would mean a sink full of dishes that would be set to double if the next mealtime came along before I dealt with it. The same went for working part time. I had to manage my time effectively. If I didn’t get sh*t done, I presumed I would be stopped from working flexibly.

Recently, DALC1’s friend got given extra time for her homework. DALC1 called her friend out on this via Whatsapp - why did she get extra time when everyone else had ruined their Sundays getting it done? The girl said she had been really busy. DALC1 responded saying 'well, I’ve had a guitar exam to practise for, lines to learn for the school play, all my sports clubs AND I’m a massive procrastinator so I should be the one getting more time!' I cannot wait for her to get to secondary school and realise that ’I’m a massive procrastinator’ is not a valid reason for late homework. It is true though, and that is partly why I’ve been researching the subject. She can’t carry on like she is or she will either never achieve anything, constantly be on her last nerve doing things at the last minute, or never feel that she has done things as well as she could have done.

I’ve also got the same problem with someone in my team. She just can’t get stuff finished.

'Are you going to get X done today?' I ask.

'Yes,' she replies.

'Do you need any help with it?'

'No,' she says.

And then it doesn’t get done for three days or sometimes three weeks. If I look at the file in the case management system I can see the work is 95% done but she just can’t finish it. She then avoids calls from the clients in question and it all spirals downhill.

So, why do we do this to ourselves? Why (because I haven’t mentioned it yet) do we prioritise scrolling online to getting out of bed in the morning when we know this is going to set us back? Why do we do things that will make our life harder later on? Even if you aren’t pulling hairs out of your legs, it isn’t a pleasant feeling, is it? It is constantly being in a state of mild panic and despair.

Clearly, being overwhelmed is a big reason for procrastination. Not knowing where to start so not even bothering.

Overthinking, and specifically thinking negative thoughts and being depressed, is a factor. But, equally, blocking out the logical negative thoughts and burying your head in the sand is also a factor for lots of us.

Perfectionism has a lot to answer for, too. If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t even bother. Being too proud or embarrassed to ask for help can be part of this.

The prevalence of instant gratification is, I think, an issue.

My next article will look at these points in some detail and - as a recovering leg-plucker - I will try to offer some tips for overcoming this debilitating behaviour.

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article