Mother in Law: How to network

Twice in my career I have started a job where there was no workload for me to take over. I’ve sat with a file on my desk, not wanting to do the little bit of work needed on that matter, because then I would have no files on my desk. I’ve been bursting with enthusiasm and it has seeped, within a couple of weeks, out of the window. I’ve regretted the move, and wondered how I would ever get a pay rise if my fees were less than my salary. It is easy for your line manager to reassure you that you aren’t about to get made redundant; it is harder to believe it. 

In comes networking. I mean, not necessarily, but it did for me. I’m writing today to say what no one has ever said out loud, as far as I am aware. I hate networking.

I am a confident person. I say hello to people in the street when I’m walking the dog. I walk up to other parents in the playground and say 'HELLO I’M DECEPTIVELY ANGELIC CHILD 1’S MUM CAN YOUR CHILD COME FOR A PLAYDATE' with not a hint of embarrassment, and I know mums who would rather die than do that. I’m fairly normal-looking; I have nice shoes and make up at least. I know my job well enough to speak about it at length. But to walk into a room of other professionals on my own and slip uninvited into one of their conversations? I would rather die. Or, more likely, pretend I’ve got an urgent email to respond to on my phone suddenly. It doesn’t matter how confident you are in other parts of your life - this is HARD.

Then come the practical issues, like being given a coffee on a saucer in one hand and a croissant on a plate in the other, leaving you only able to eat and drink like a dog. And, of course, you will only go through the pain of no one talking to you until the second you manage to take a bite of the croissant, at which point someone will ask you a question about the budget or something, requiring a long response after an even longer pause while you try to swallow and subtly get all the crumbs out of your teeth.

However, I know that it can work. These very straight, undisguised networking groups can actually get you work. So, how do you do it and keep your sanity and your soul intact? Here are my thoughts:

1. Keep in mind what you want to achieve and target a group that is right for you. I went to a networking group that included two women who had just set up an ice cream shop, a local novelist, a solicitor doing the same work type as me, and not many other people at all. Who do you want work referred to you from? Other lawyers? IFAs and accountants? Don’t waste your time with the wrong people.
2. Once you’ve found the right group, stick with it. Don’t dart about from group to group. You need to build relationships that are deep enough for people to think you are the right person to refer work to. This takes time and consistency.
3. Try to bring colleagues. This gets around the whole awkwardness issue, and will remind you that you are there to represent not just yourself or your department but every department in your firm.
4. If you have the option, join a group that has a point to it other than networking. I know people who have got huge amounts of work out of joining Rotary clubs, for example, and have raised money for local causes close to their hearts and made actual friends whilst doing it. Can you join - or even start- a group that does something you actually find fun - like table tennis or pool or drinking wine?

If you are in the position of not having enough work, make sure you are clear and honest with the Powers That Be. Keep them updated on your work levels and what you are doing to improve them. Ask them if there is anything else you should be doing.

And if you are at a networking event - either with the confidence I don’t have or with a friend - be the one looking out for people coming in awkwardly on their own and say hello.

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article