Mother in Law: A message to my immigration team colleagues

Once, a few years ago, I text my husband from work. It read 'I did tell you this, but FTAOD I will be home a bit early and start dinner.'

He text back 'FTAOD?'

I thought it was obvious that this meant 'for the avoidance of doubt' but apparently this is 'not obvious at all' if you are 'not a lawyer' and 'no one actually says this let alone abbreviates it in a text'. Whatever.

I didn’t think I needed to say the below, and I am very much doing it because I simply don’t want to say nothing - and, only - for the avoidance of doubt. This is a message to my immigration team colleagues and other professional colleagues who aren’t quite pale of skin enough to have felt as safe as normal in our beautiful, diverse country. Those who have been working from home to be on the safe side, and those who have temporarily had their profiles removed from our websites.

For the avoidance of doubt, this makes me feel sick to my stomach.

For the avoidance of doubt, in Britain in 2024, I do not care, and no one I know cares, if you go to church. Or a mosque. Or if, like me, the closest thing you have ever had to a religious experience is going to a Bruce Springsteen concert. I repeat: no one cares, mate. You do you.

For the avoidance of doubt, in Britain in 2024, we need and value lawyers - lawyers who help those in distress, regardless of their background. Equally, clients are happy to have good lawyers to help them out of that period of distress, regardless of the lawyer’s background.

For the avoidance of doubt, you have not 'taken a job' from some angry moron. There are other reasons they don’t have a job (such as being angry and moronic).

For the avoidance of doubt, I’m all for anyone who wants to better their prospects and their family’s future by going, or coming, to another country to work. Like my friends who went to live by the beach in Australia, or my cousin who did a year in France during her degree.

For the avoidance of doubt, the tens of thousands of households that took in Ukrainian families represent the country I know much better than these few angry morons.

For the avoidance of doubt, after most nights on the booze, these angry morons will be stopping off for a doner kebab or a biryani and a Cobra, not, like, a scone with jam. And I suppose that is my point really - none of this makes sense and you shouldn’t waste your time trying to understand idiots who - from the convictions so far - seem overwhelmingly more interested in looting vapes than anything else. My husband is wiser than he looks and says it is because there is no football on at the moment. So, unless you are going to try to work out the causes of football hooliganism, I wouldn’t try to understand this. Just know, for the avoidance of - and beyond a shadow of - a doubt, that they are the very, very insignificant minority.

Some facts and identities have been altered in the above article