Apart from a note at the Law Society’s School of Law about the bar being there to promote ’social intercourse’, there was also the Solicitors Articled Clerks’ Society (SACS), writes James Morton. The latter, if I recall, had a tie with a donkey’s – or probably ass’s – head on it.

I’m not sure how many members of SACS there were, or what, in general, the Society did. I think there was once a dance, but, like Bella Fleace’s party, nobody came. I know I wanted it to have a motto, ‘What is this life without SACS’, but it never caught on.

A friend of mine who was equally inept at the law was, I believe, the president, and it was he who persuaded me, in a moment of inattention, to become the Society’s sports secretary.

I inherited a list of sporting fixtures, mainly against the Chartered Accountants’ articled clerks, and no one to play in them. As a result, I played first-string squash, in which I won two points against a man who said he was a cousin of the Khans, the great squash players of the time. Maybe he was just being kind.

I also opened the batting and the bowling, and kept wicket, for the cricket team, which was mainly made up of friends. Indeed, I would have played tennis doubles and singles at the Hurlingham Club in a fixture of which I had never heard. But, as it was, I received a letter from the accountants saying: ‘Sorry we couldn’t make the game. The car broke down.’ There were also problems about who would pay for the balls. I thought it was time to call it a day.

In middle age, I played in Division 2 of the London Solicitors Football League. We were inept. Our captain played in his spectacles and I headed a goal mainly because I didn’t see the ball coming. Nevertheless, I knew enough to wave my arms in modest self-acclaim. I think we lost 8-2. If we had not had a very brave, if foolish, goalkeeper in the form of the outdoor clerk, we would have lost by twice as many.

Later, I did, however, make a substantial contribution to the team. We were allowed guest players and I had a client with a son who had trialled for, I believe, Southampton, who were then a First Division team.

He was duly recruited, played in all positions simultaneously and scored innumerable goals. We moved steadily up the table. Perhaps I should have become an agent.

James Morton is a writer and former criminal defence solicitor